A little bit of today, a whole lot of yesterday!

Hello people,

It's been a long time, and I thought, well, I don't have a very eventful life so I thought I should wait for something big to happen, something that creates the atmosphere which forces me to write, a story that beckons to be written. That, I didn't get, but something big did happen, the cause of which still sounds funny to me.

Life has a very complex way of revealing itself through a very complicated web of everyday randomness, that isn't really random, its just a bunch of small, seemingly unrelated events which when put together create the ripple effect to give everything meaning (sometimes just rummaging harmful memories).

People who know about the chaos theory definitely understand this as a scientific phenomenon - the butterfly effect (and, of course, all those people who have seen the movie! :P). A small apparent random event causes something very large to occur in a place far far away from the place of the initial incident. A butterfly flaps its wings in Brazil and causes a tornado in Texas a few weeks later. A person forgets to bounds check a string buffer in 2012 and causes probably the largest hack in the history of the internet 2 full years later (I mean heartbleed, sorry that was the geek side of me!).

When I was younger I used to find it very amusing how really small events could be so important to anyone or anybody. I believe in the power of this concept, now more than ever. Why? Because I see clearly now, how the smallest things in life can create a ripple effect and make you think about your past. The mistakes you made, the ones you knew you made, the ones you thought you could live with, especially that last category. Essentially, life comes down to the people you live it with, and live it for. I thought I made the right decision, live alone by choice rather than be forced to do so. I thought I could live with the consequences, and without the person that mattered so much to me.

They say, it all works out in the end, they say the view from the destination is amazing, but as I sit here, by myself, thinking about the route, I see it clear as day, there is no end, no destination. Man is trapped in an endless journey of desire to make his live better every single day. So no, the journey is more important, and however easy or difficult he journey is, it goes unnoticed, if you have the right people (read person!) around.

I can't tell her this, but I miss her. I really do.

I drift away very often, but coming back to the butterfly effect, the small event: a movie, a simple movie and a trip to an amusement park that created a wave of ripples. The result: proof that there is no random. Life is an endless series of events whose meaning will become clearer and clearer with each step you take. It's not random, there is a reason to everything, a key to every lock.

There may not be a real hurricane, but the one in my brain is just as strong.
Maybe the solution lies one step ahead, maybe a few hundred or even thousand steps ahead.
Got to keep walking!

The storm before the calm

Hello People,

I hope you guys are having a great time.

Its near freezing temperatures here and I won't get out of the house unless absolutely necessary. That gives me some time to write something I have been contemplating about for a while.
This is the story of the storm that swept me off my feet, the "SUNSHINE" that made me want to wake up, and the source that gave me the strength to keep doing what I had to do to get where I am in life.

Life is divided into chapters. Some are good, some bad, some painful, some extremely weird, some so amazing that you can never forget them. Well, this chapter of my life, as short as it was, was all of that, and more. I feel the best way to divide my chapters with the people in them. Almost every story in my life has 1 main character that it revolves around. This one revolved around Sunshine.

Every one that knows me knows how I complain about my life in Bangalore, but there were a few months of my life I wanted to be nowhere but exactly where I was, one of those times that I honestly felt like the king of the world. I don't even know where to begin, I mean, it would probably take me the night to just list the amazing things about her. The early mornings, the rain, the cold, the coffee's, the late night skype chats, and even the malls, I enjoyed all of that. I loved my days more, didn't wait for the weekend as much, and was on the phone, A LOT...
I always felt its the little things in life that matter the most, and it was incredible how right I was about this, and what was mind-blowing was how she took care of it as much as she did.

I wish people weren't right about how your past affects your choices and therefore your future, because that's exactly what I let happen. I let my history spoil the mystery. There is something I do wish though, someone say to me while I was being stupid. "Do you want to keep playing? Or do you want to win?". Life isn't about who played the best, its about whether you keep track of the score, realize when you've won and leave with your prize.
All I want to say to her is thank you, for being just exactly who you are, and sorry that I didn't just take my prize and "live happily ever after"(Hindi movie style).

The storm came, made me smarter, stronger, and now all there is, is the calm.

Good luck Sunshine. :)

Until next time,
Dhiraj

P.S : I have not met a better cook in my life, since I left home, and now that I have to cook every day, I long for the food she used to cook, even the ajeeb tamatari paneer :P(Yes I remember!)

A lot like love...

So, as promised, I am back. Although, technically, I never left. :P

So, as I said, I left out a few people in my first post. People that made a profound stamp on my life after my teens, when they say the real life of a person starts, when you leave the home, go to college, get a job, make a life.

I figured the the first person on this list deserves an entire post of her own. So, here goes.
This is about someone whom anybody who knew me back in my college days would know.
I still remember the day like it was yesterday. I think it was the second day of college, and I hadn't brought any pencils to class(typical of me). It was the engineering graphics class. So if you don't have a pencil, you might as well not be in class. So, I say, excuse me, can I borrow your pencil, she says, okay and gives me this tiny little pencil, the lead of which broke as soon as I pressed it on the paper. Another incident I clearly remember is her yelling at me because I commented on her dress and we weren't really friends then. The next thing I remember was asking her cell number.

In typical movie fashion, boy sees girl, boy goes crazy, boy talks to girl, gets even crazier, almost asks her out, just to realise she already has a boyfriend, asks me to be her friend. Now, that is where the cliché's ended. I said okay, lets be friends, and trust me, that changed everything. I had the most amazing time in college with her, so much so that I basically don't remember much about my college other than her. Details are for some other time, because frankly I could write a book. Anyway, fast forward to end of the awesome college days, we reach Chennai together. People don't really believe when I say this, but I had an amazing time there, inspite of all the heat, the humidity, the narrow minded people, lack of fun places, lack of good food. Impossible to not enjoy in good company. From there, we move to Bangalore, where another twist awaited me. Priorities change, relationships weaken, life changes. I spend perhaps a few of the toughest months of my life there. I believe Einstein once said "I am thankful to all those who said no. It's because of them, I did it myself." I am thankful to her for saying NO at the right time, right place, in the right scenario. Then I got all the motivation I needed to crack the GRE, TOEFL and here I am, in (arguably) the best country in the world working on stuff that I really care about. She stopped living my life for me, handed me the reigns. Its just one of those things, when the time is right, the stars align, and life changes for the better.

Note: I assume you notice the lack of any first name, I think its for the best.
I called her Sweets, let us all just call her that. :)

<<<Dhiraj>>>